Mixed Feelings on Pregnancy

Why is it that I can only find posts like this on secular blogs?

...Pregnancy has been hard for me. I don't like to dwell on it, because let's face it, physically, pregnancy is hard for almost everyone. But for me, pregnancy has also been emotionally difficult, and physically alien. And it turns out this isn't even rare; it's just a closely guarded secret... For a long while, I was eaten up with guilt. I have so many friends who deeply want to be pregnant (or, perhaps more properly, would like to have babies), and now, I'm the one that is. So shouldn't I pretend to love it, out of simple gratitude? But the interesting thing has been that my friends struggling with fertility have been the ones who have most readily accepted me, wherever I am on any given day. They know more than anyone that this whole process is difficult and fraught with societal expectations of how we should feel. They know that societal expectations will screw you, every time. They tell me to just show up and be me, and if I don't like pregnancy most days, so be it... [emphasis added]

[http://apracticalwedding.com/2012/06/the-next-adventure/#ixzz1z22zufgQ]

Naming Babies

Exactly.

Aside from actually creating your kid, arguably the next most powerful thing you will do is give it a name. To label is to own, to define, to frame. (Ask that comet guy.) People treat picking out a baby name like it's as fun and easy as scheduling a C-section, but it is, in fact, fraught the fuck with complete mayhem. It is about as easy as curating an art collection in the dark - to say nothing of the great potential for namer's remorse.

There's so much to consider, from the tone, to the syllabic presentation to the rhythm, to whether it has been shown in studies to actually prevent your son or daughter from ever being made a CEO.

Then, there are are issues of precedent — is there a family legacy at stake? Do you want your baby to sound cool? Artistic? Nice? Traditional? Fearless? To name is to aspire in absentia, and you have only at your disposal this measly string of letters... that will precede your child throughout its entire life.

Last, but most certainly not least, is whether or not your chosen name seems to "suit" this person you are naming. But how can anyone actually figure this out pre-birth, much less in the typically allotted six weeks post-birth, is a mystery to me. A baby blob is just a blobby blob. You can't be all, "This is so obviously a Jennifer."

Because the thing about a baby name is that it really needs to do only one thing, and it's got to have traction over the course of an ENTIRE LIFETIME.

[http://jezebel.com/5906764/how-to-name-your-baby-without-screwing-it-up]

On Breastfeeding (and Other Child-related Things)

"The Similac Recall and Why Breast is Not Always Best" on BlogHer
I'm reading these posts in part because I do think breast is best. But once again, it's a matter of education. I'm actually advocating being informed. It seems like the pendulum is swinging back to breastfeeding, but I think that the verbiage is as always important and that there are a number of reasons why breastfeeding may be impossible or impractical.

If you have a healthy, full-term child with no known issues, and the mother has an ample milk supply and a desire to breastfeed, breast probably is best...But like so many things about parenting, the breast is best campaign comes from a place of privilege in so many ways. It's not just the socio-economic privilege of people who are not paid by the hour asking those who are to forgo pay in order to pump. It's the thousands of reasons why you might not be able to breastfeed in the first place -- lack of supply, adoption, premature infant, lack of breasts -- or why you simply might not want to and have that reason trump any benefits that breastmilk might bring.

"Ten Things Breastfeeding Advocates Need Stop Saying" on BlogHer
Probably true.

"Breast Bitch" on Stirrup Queens

I am angry because people confuse breastfeeding support (of which I have a lot to give) with encouraging people to breastfeed. And personally, I don’t believe a lactation consultant should come to a hospital room unless called in the same way that I don’t think formula companies should give samples unless they’re requested. The ball should be in the mother’s court. And just because one side doesn’t hang back until called doesn’t make it right when the other side rushes in too. It just makes them both wrong and manipulative.

"Breast is Not Best" on Stirrup Queens

Is my title inflammatory? Yes. But so is the “breast is best” campaign. Any time we name something “best” and ignore all other possibilities, we are being inflammatory.

"Baby vs Husband" on Happy Sighs
Ha. I quoted from this post a lot... Now you don't have to click through? But I think this author hits on something I do too.

...[M]y plan [was/is] to love my husband “best.” I think of Josh throughout the day. But it’s not constant. I’m happy to see him when he finally comes in from work. But there’s not this flood of relief- this, “Oh, whew. There you are.”... I’ve thought about it a lot. As I do. And I think I can boil it down. I understand why it mayfeel like I love my son more, and why people would argue that they do. Normal, healthy people... [When away from my son] I noticed that all of my thoughts were concerned, “I hope he's okay,” thoughts. OF COURSE he was. He was snuggling grandmom and eating too many cookies. But that, “I hope he’s okay,” seems hardwired or built into me or something... I think it must be easy to confuse concern for love. They’re similar and interrelated. But, when I lovingly think of my husband through the day it’s more, “Last time I was here I was with Josh. That was a fun night…” and “I wish he was here now, he’d love this.” So, those thoughts happen less often. With Junior, I think about him constantly because I’m concerned for him constantly. Wondering if he’s okay easily translates to, “I wish he was here,” because if he was here, I’d know he’s okay. That’s part of what makes me so eager to see him. Part of why I feel a little wave of relief when I walk into my mom’s house and he smiles a sticky smile and claps his hands. He’s okay.

"October Baby Gets It Wrong" on On Icarus' Wings

If you want the quick version of my criticism it is this: This film is full of adoption cliches that are largely believed by society, mainly Christian society. It once again proves that the telling of a story to propagate a pro-life agenda is more important to filmmakers than finding out the intricacies of adoption and portraying them in a realistic light.

"I Don't Take My Kids Outside to Play. I SEND Them Outside to Play" on BabbleVoices
=My childhood.

Over the past few years there has been a lot of research about kids and outdoor play, and the general consensus seems to be: they don’t get enough of it. Of course we’re all concerned, looking for answers and solutions and more studies...But I think there’s a fairly simple solution here: Send Them Out.

"Ten Things I Want to Tell Teenage Girls" on Lily Pads
  #1, 4 and 9 especially!

[Summary:] You were created for a purpose, exactly so. You have innate value. You are loved more than you could ever comprehend; it is mind-boggling how much you are adored. There has never been, and there will never be another you. Therefore, you have unique thoughts to offer the world. They are only yours, and we all lose out if you are too fearful to share them.

"Ten Things I Want to Tell New Moms" on Lily Pads
 I don't think any of these were novel to me, but have been/are certainly true of my existence and I've found myself telling (or wanting to tell) many people these things as well.

I Love My Baby

Also, I believe this.

Can you hear the "but" coming?

I totally relate to this post.

Formative and consequential...

When I first saw that positive on my test last year, I didn’t feel joyful right away. It was too formative and consequential a moment for joy. Joy came later, in unbelievably large amounts, but until then I was just like, “Whoa.” Literally. “Whoa.”

[http://thegestatrix.wordpress.com/2011/05/31/mama/]